From Breakdown to Breakthrough to Bliss - My Story of Breaking the Cycle
How I Stopped Living for Everyone Else and Created a Life I Love.
Hi, I’m Courtney.
I want to share with you my story of surviving through over a decade of never-ending burnout, crippling anxiety, phases of depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These all took over my life in harmful ways. But now I’ve made changes that allow me to live a life fully present and for myself.
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By the end of this document, I hope you’ll learn a few things. Here is what you’ll find:
Understanding burnout cycles & how to step out of them / Ways to incorporate ritual and intention to your life and why it’s a necessity / A proven system to move from breakdown to bliss / Tools to alleviate emotional and mental dis-ease.
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Before we head into my story, if you’re already feeling called to do the work to heal burnout cycles; find peace, clarity, and purpose; and become who you were always meant to be then book you FREE call with me today to get started on your journey.
I’ve felt stuck and lonely and worthless and riddled with anxiety… And I’ve spent a lot of money on self-help books, therapy, and all kinds of programs claiming to cure me only to find that promises weren’t kept. I still ended up exactly where I always was. It felt like I was going to live my whole life like this… no one was ever going to be able to help me and I would be stuck like this.
But here’s what I know looking in hindsight: all those books, sessions, and programs… They gave me exactly what I needed at the time. I was slowly building awareness with each one. Sure, they were mostly surface-level, but so was I at the time. But it came to a point when I needed more. And these “cures” weren’t offering me the depth I was searching for.
I needed something that got to a root cause, not just something that gave me coping mechanisms as a band-aid. That’s why I offer deep healing in my practice. Because I know what it’s like when you’ve tried everything under the sun and you still can’t seem to shake off the feeling of being so utterly stuck in a pile of (well… you know) and you can’t even dig yourself out.
I want to offer something different - something unique. Something that goes below the surface and straight to the roots.
Healing is possible. I know because I’ve been right where you are at one point. And I know that you can change your whole life if you so desire to with the right guidance and support.
I’m going to share what happened to me and how it ruined all aspects of my life from my relationships, my work, my emotions, and my health. Reflecting back, it all stemmed from this mindset and cycle…
This is a picture of me around when it all started… Actually, it’s a picture of me doing something because someone asked me to even though I didn’t have the time or energy to do it.
Cycles are something that feel natural to us as humans. We have the cycle of the days, weeks, months, years. There’s also the cycle of the moon that we watch renew every 29.5 days. We see the cycles of the seasons. And if you menstruate, you see your own personal cycle come and go. There are the cycles of life, death, and rebirth. There are cycles everywhere around us.
So as humans, it’s so easy for us to get caught up in cycles of burnout, cycles of depression, cycles of anxiety, and cycles of trauma.
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If you saw me when I was between the ages of 14 and 27, you’d see a completely different person. I didn’t even know what burnout was and I had no idea how to deal with emotions or conflict or any difficult situation really.
I was anxious as hell. I suffered through phases of depression. I was lost and stuck. I filled my time and energy with things that I didn’t care about, but it was what I thought I had to do to feel accepted. I was so disconnected from life that I honestly didn’t care about living it. I didn’t want to be present for it, because why? It sucked… I was completely miserable. Why would I want to actually be aware of a life I hated?
I just kept doing what I thought I had to do… what everyone expected of me. I worked to be able to help ease some stress off my family. I went to college because I was told that’s how I would get a job. I allowed people to take advantage of me because they were there and they wanted to. I was spiraling. I got more jobs, I took more classes, I got involved in more groups, I made more friends, I went to more parties, I spent more money.
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I did all the right things… So why was I feeling so awful? Why did I feel so stuck? Why did I feel like no one actually knew me? Why did I hate who I was and what I was doing so much?
Well… it was because I lived so long for other people that I forgot about myself. I was so scared that if I showed you who I truly was, that you wouldn’t like me anymore. That I wouldn’t have any friends or anyone to support me. I thought that if I changed to be more authentic, that I would be lonely, depressed, and bored.
Turns out I already was though… and I didn’t even need to be my authentic self to do that. I was already running people out of my life because I couldn’t be real. I didn’t know how to be. So, instead, I just faked my way through everything.
Through all of this I kept myself busy - way too busy actually. I would run myself ragged at my work, with friends and family, in my relationship, in classes… wherever and whatever I was doing. I would keep going and going until I got sick. And I would get so sick that I could barely get out of bed. And even then I would try to use my “down time” to get homework done or try to go to events I normally wouldn’t be able to.
When I started feeling better (usually not until about 10 days later), I would put myself right back at the beginning of that cycle and start all over until I got sick again. But I knew that all of this was just temporary relief at this point… I needed a shake up.
This is a picture of me during the thick of my people pleasing days. I was miserable and uncomfortable, listening to everyone except myself.
It was 2018, about 10 years into burnout cycles, before I realized something was VERY wrong. At this point I already knew that I had anxiety, depression, and PTSD and I was dealing with all the symptoms of these. But something was different…
I felt sick, but more than just physically. I wasn’t able to handle my emotions. I couldn’t deal with anything extra. Any little thing that got added on made me feel like I was going to explode. I was constantly crying. I was more overwhelmed than ever. And… there was a new feeling. I felt angry.
Angry with my family, my friends, my coworkers, my partner, my neighbors… and I was even more angry at myself.
So I let myself have a pity party for a while, until something clicked…
I could try to change my life.
And it was at that moment that I remembered the best piece of advice ever given to me… “If you don’t like it, change it. No matter what it is. You don’t like your life? Change it.”
So, I decided I was going to do just that. After years of on and off therapy, I went back and started to dive deeper into myself. But after a while it wasn’t enough… I needed more.
I searched for holistic methods. I started changing the products I used, I started eating better, I started working out in a new way, and I found Reiki, a form of ancient energy healing.
All this helped me to finally realize the cycle I was in… work, sick, work, sick, work, sick. I had to ask myself the question…
Why was I doing this to myself?
The answer was that I was avoiding myself. I was avoiding feeling (though it was now just spilling out of me uncontrollably). I was avoiding conflict. I was avoiding disappointment. I was avoiding who I really was. I was avoiding healing…
Healing sounded difficult. And it sounded like something that would take way too long. I needed a reprieve NOW. I needed to feel better NOW. I was so done with being stuck where I was. I needed change.
This is a picture of me today - finally feeling confident in myself and breaking free of old habits. This was after spending about 5 years healing myself.
Fast forward to now - I’ve done a LOT of healing. And it was hard. I needed to see and do a lot of things that I didn’t want to do, but needed to do. I had to notice that I was the one who allowed this to happen. Then I had to forgive myself.
I’m finally feeling like I love my life for real. I love who I’m becoming and I feel really good about who is in my life and what I’m doing.
How did I get to this point?
With an open mind, an open heart, and a lot of patience!
It felt like a series of trial and error with different practices, rituals, coaches, etc. But ultimately it came down to what I was missing.
Love for myself
Feeling worthy
Knowing I was enough
Helping myself so I could help others
Throughout all those therapy sessions, coaching programs, self-paced programs, articles, books, videos, etc. I realized that it was about me - not anyone else. And I had to start to put myself first, because no one else was. I put myself in a position in my life where I was so independent, no one even worried about me.
I had to break that habit of trying to help everyone around me except myself.
And I knew that this began with finding out what I really liked, didn’t like, and my core values. I had to find my true self.
After over 15 years of wearing masks and covering up myself for fear that someone wouldn’t like me, I knew this was holding me back from experiencing happiness. I couldn’t live a lie anymore.
So I hibernated and cocooned myself for a long time - about 2 years - so that I could get to know myself better. I had to ask so many questions…
What did I truly NEED?
What did I truly WANT?
When was enough enough?
Why did I feel stuck no matter the situation?
And after all these questions were answered, I had to ask the two most important ones:
Who do I want to be?
What do I truly value?
I didn’t have answers to these questions right away - any of them. It took days, or sometimes weeks, to really dig deep and fully answer them truthfully.
Truthfully… that might have been the hardest part. Because I was used to lying to myself and everyone else. I didn’t know how to be truthful, yet I thought truth was a core value of mine. But when people thought they knew me when I was really showing them a mask… that’s not truthful. When they asked a question, I answered in the way I thought they wanted me to. So I did this with my journaling too.
And because I was wearing a different mask all the time, I didn’t know who I was without one.
But knowing this, seeing this, being aware of this… now I could make progress. Now I could actually implement and integrate tools into my life. As weird as it sounds, this was one of the most empowering realizations I’ve ever had.
I now use the same framework that I did in my healing process to help other to see results in way less time than I did:
Sasha: Courtney is very friendly and professional, and has a calm and grounding energy. I felt fantastic after, and over the course of the next few days experienced many synchronicities and had some wonderful opportunities come up for me.
Leslie: During my session I felt lifted into a cocoon of light and a sense of floating on calming and peaceful waves; just what I needed to realign and cleanse! And Courtney is a joy to talk with after the session! She sparkles with wonderment of all that's beautiful in this world. And I felt the energy of the space as welcoming and healing.
The Framework to Move from Breakdown to Blissful
We live in a world that overstimulates us and causes us to disconnect from our true selves, push down our true feelings, and not make true connections. But when we come back home to who we truly are, we can break through the chaos. When we connect back to our roots, we can experience peace. And when we can live fully as ourselves, we can experience peace.
If we want to heal from burnout and crippling anxiety and live a blissful life as our authentic selves, we need five things.
These things are non-negotiable.
If you’re missing one of these things, you are likely struggling. If you’re missing two, you’re in crisis. If you’re missing 3 or more, you’re experiencing a genuine catastrophe.
I call these five things the Breakdown to Bliss Pathway because when we go down these roads, we can learn from our breakdowns to experience breakthroughs and eventually this leads to living a blissful life we love.
The Five Paths to Move From Breakdown to Bliss
Path 1: Mindfulness & Insight
If you want to experience true healing, we need to start with getting to know our innermost selves. On this path, we dive deep into our current thoughts, emotions, habits, patterns, cycles, and rituals. When we become aware of all these things, we can choose which ones we want or need to change and go from there. But we cannot make changes if we aren’t aware of what needs to be changed. This is an integral part of the journey to bliss. It cannot be skipped over.
Developing insight into ourselves allows us to be more present in our lives. This path integrates short, easy rituals to help build awareness and practice being fully present including: meditation, grounding, journaling, and breathwork. This is often an exploration of what works best for YOU. When you find what works, this will become your core practice - your non-negotiable - and the one thing that you stick to every single day, even if other parts of your sacred practice changes.
Path 2: Exploration of the True Self
Once we begin our mindfulness practices, we can dive deeper into our true self. These practices encourage you to be curious about who you are and who you want to be. You will explore what you like, what you dislike, what you absolutely LOVE, activities that bring you joy (or not), and so much more. Reconnecting with ourselves means uncovering the layers that we’ve hid behind for so long.
There is also an opportunity to explore your core values and beliefs that alter your daily thoughts and habits. Most of these beliefs and values stem from our childhood, which means introducing inner child and inner teenager work to the process.
Path 3: Coping Mechanism Exploration
For this path, we confront and reassess the coping mechanisms that have allowed you to feel safe throughout challenges and obstacles. The thing about coping mechanisms is that they work until they don’t anymore so it’s important to have options for how to move forward and to choose how we self-soothe moving forward.
Through compassionate self-inquiry and introspection, we’ll shine a light on behavioral patterns and coping strategies that may not be working anymore. We’ll work to find courage to examine these carefully to determine which ones might be blocking your success and growth. When we replace outdated methods with nurturing rituals, we might find that it’s much more aligned with who we are today.
Path 4: Deep Mindset Shifts
This path welcomes you to a huge opportunity for transformation. We’ll journey inward, exploring the depths of our subconscious and illuminating the beliefs, thoughts, and patterns that shape our current reality. Uncovering hidden barriers and limiting beliefs allows us to shift in subtle ways and open ourselves up to new, exciting things.
Once we understand what’s ready to be evolved within our subconscious, we can make inspired changes. Reprogramming our mindset around self-worth, confidence, abundance/lack, and much more starts with subtle changes that lead to BIG results.
Path 5: Integration of Sacred Rituals
On the final path, we have a culmination of your journey thus far. Each path before brings you right here. We’ll find ways to integrate your sacred rituals into your daily life. This path is meant to be a celebration of the wisdom gained, growth achieved, and transformations made thus far.
With intentional reflection and mindfulness, we work together to weave the rituals and practices that resonated most deeply with you and create a personal roadmap to sustainable bliss. We explore gratitude, empowerment, worthiness, and confidence as you embrace your authentic self and begin this journey to live a life filled with purpose and love.
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This isn’t the end of the journey though. It’s just the start of a new road taking you to holistic wellness and healing. With the right mindset, support system, and resources, I know that you can truly live a life you love and not just continue to dream about it.
If you read those paths above and thought that it seemed complicated and hard, you’re not alone. I’ve felt extremely overwhelmed by classes and articles that did that too. This is why I developed this program, so that you can have a structured approach to heal burnout and anxiety holistically.
I know what you’re experiencing because I was there too. I would make progress only to find myself having more panic attacks and catching back up with the work/sick cycle. It’s hard to get back up and try something new, especially when you’ve tried it all before.
But here’s a little secret: you’re going to either experience the pain of staying stuck in these cycles or the pain of getting to the root cause of them and moving forward. Which one sounds better?
I’ve gone through all the holistic methods - self-help books, affirmations, meditation, journaling - everything that I could find. But what I found is that they offer temporary solutions to a lifelong problem. It’s a bandaid over a gushing wound. They never get to the root cause of the problem.
I understand the overwhelming feelings that come when thinking about healing anxiety and burnout - what more can you add to your plate? That’s why I found that shifting my focus to reducing stress and empowering myself helps more than anything.
If you’ve ever felt let down or even more overwhelmed by another program or “cure”, I get it. That’s why I came up with a comprehensive approach that reaches the depths of WHY we get stuck in cycles and work on them simultaneously.
Many programs tell you that you need support systems and connections in order to move through burnout and anxiety.
But here’s what we really need to understand: You can’t have TRUE support unless you can show those people your TRUE self. I realized that I didn’t really have anyone to rely on during my healing process because no one knew how bad I was suffering. And it wasn’t because I didn’t share that with them. It was because I couldn’t tell them WHY I was suffering so much - because no one really knew me. They only knew the mask I showed them.
The 6 Step Process to Healing Burnout and Anxiety Cycles (which, by the way, go hand in hand)
Step 1: Mindfulness & Awareness: Start by becoming more aware of your thoughts, behaviors, and actions. When we’re in a cycle of burnout and anxiety, we tend to slip away from ourselves and disassociate from our bodies because we don’t feel safe. But the only way to be truly safe is to be fully present within ourselves. Utilizing mindfulness techniques helps us to do this. It’s not the most fun part of this, but it is important to start here because it’s the catalyst for the remainder of the transformation.
Step 2: Emotional Expression: Once we become more aware of ourselves, we can begin to identify the emotions we are actually having. We can determine what’s ours and what isn’t. And then we can express them in a more authentic way instead of keeping them under wraps. Practicing emotional expression is important to get to the root of what’s happening with burnout and anxiety. Most often, there are repressed emotions that have lived within for years and need to be heard. Our emotions are teachers and when we listen, we can live a more peaceful and calm life. I know that sounds backwards, but once we actually allow our emotions to be expressed then we can move on instead of harping on them.
Step 3: Self-Compassion: Throughout the cycles of burnout and anxiety, we tend to live for anyone but ourselves. So when we decide we want to heal and turn it around, our minds and egos freak out. This is where self-compassion comes in. Despite the freak outs, we can tell ourselves gently that it’s okay. That we’re exactly where we need to be. And that we don’t have to live our lives like this anymore. We can give ourselves the love that we always searched for from everyone else.
Step 4: Mind-Body-Energy Connection: We have different layers to us. Each one is important and needs to be tended to. They are also interconnected. Our minds (thoughts) affect our body (physical) which affects our energy (energetics). When we recognize the interconnectedness and begin to heal them together, we see huge jumps in the healing progress. Any mind-body-energy practice connects us back to the physical world, to the present, which is where we need to be. Burnout and anxiety keep us in a world where no one and nothing is safe. This connection brings us back to the one thing that is safest in the world: ourselves.
Step 5: Self-Worth & Confidence: Building our self-worth and confidence is done with each baby step we take. Trying new things, even though it’s scary, helps to do this. With each scary thing we get through, we recognize just how resilient and capable we are. Self-confidence building is just as easy as that. Self-worth on the other hand goes deeper. Taking a look at our core values and beliefs and adjusting them to fit who we truly are can help with this process. Having a core belief that you are enough just as you are (and always were) is the goal, but may take some time to get there since we’ve built up these stories about ourselves. As these made up stories come to light, we see just how worthy we really are.
Step 6: Creating Boundaries: Ah, the new age buzzword - boundaries. Here’s the thing… it’s not just a buzzword or some fad that won’t be relevant a few years from now. It’s something that has always been around, it just wasn’t defined in the way it is now. Learning how to create boundaries protects us from falling into the people pleasing traps we’ve set for ourselves. A boundary can be as simple as saying “no” and as complex as creating physical distance. However, it’s important to create a boundary that makes sense for the situation and people at hand. And, yes, you can always change your mind and raise or lower the boundary when needed, but know that it’s there so that you can feel safe.
Now is the most difficult part.
85% of people fail this process and go back to old patterns and habits leading them right back into burnout cycles. It’s easy to do this since it’s been ingrained in us!
Client Successes:
Sam: Courtney made me feel very comfortable upon arrival and explained exactly what the process would be like. After the session, not only did I feel more relaxed but her interpretation of what she noticed within my energy described me to a T! Spot on. She definitely helped me see the areas that I need to continue to work through.
Alyse: I recently had a session with Courtney and it was so relaxing. Courtney did a great job explaining the process and allowing input from me on how the session went. She gently guided me as she did the work and I left feeling very relaxed and grounded.
So how can you be part of the 15% that succeeds?
Well, you have to ask yourself one very important question…
How committed are you to healing yourself?
If you’re not all in, then it might not be the right time to start the healing process. You have to dedicate yourself to it even when it’s hard, even when you’re tired, even when you’re not seeing instant results. You won’t see changes overnight. You have to be okay with committing to at least six months of dedicated time. You’ll likely see results before that, but this is about where you’ll notice huge transformations.
Plus, it’s important to learn to pace yourself. This isn’t a race. This isn’t another cycle for you to go through. For someone who thrives on cycles of burnout and anxiety, it’s easy for us to get wrapped up in another one and go all in for a short burst only to realize it’s not sustainable. I don’t want this to happen to you.
And it’s easy to start, but not as easy to continue once you start doing things like getting into your subconscious (people say it can be a scary place) and setting boundaries (that, honestly, most people won’t like at first). It’s not a pretty process, but it is one that is worth it.
So if you’re ready to make real changes in your life and are 110% committed and focused on the light at the end of the tunnel you might be asking…
Where do I start?
I asked myself this question over and over again on my journey and here’s what I found…
Every single person is different and so each journey will be unique, but we all need to start in the same place.
We need to accept where we are currently and what led us to this space.
I spent decades blaming everyone else because I hated my life. But what took me a long time to do was realize that I was the one making the decisions. I felt like I had given away my power to all my friends, family, teachers, and mentors. BUT I was the ultimate decision maker. I still had power over my life the whole time.
I had to recognize my role in my burnout and anxiety cycles.
How did I do this?
I found a mentor who was willing to get to know the true me, accept me as I was, and guide me gently (but bluntly) to where I wanted to be.
Once I found this mentor, I realized how much I began to change in such a short amount of time! I’d tried to do it by myself for so long, and I was making progress, but nothing like this.
So if you’re looking for a mentor here is some advice:
Find someone you naturally feel comfortable with
Explore people outside of your friends and family
Look for someone who explains things in ways you understand
Listen to your gut
Finding a mentor helps to keep you accountable on your healing journey. They may not have all the answers, but they can give solid advice and introduce you to others who might be able to help too!
Plus, this is someone that you can practice with. And someone that will respect you when you do things like set a boundary. They can help you to feel safe before moving on to other relationships in your life.
It was honestly the best thing that I did for myself - finding a mentor.
What now?
You have three choices:
Choice One (I’d advise against this one): You can continue your life navigating through burnout and anxiety and keep burning out every few weeks or months (this period of time will start getting shorter and shorter the longer the cycles continue). If you don’t change, this is where you’ll stay. But this pattern has been keeping you from living a life that you might love. It’s kept you from happiness. You’ve chosen this one before and are still struggling to get through every single day.
Choice Two: You can try to begin implementing the strategies outlined here. It’s a great system and I can tell you it works because I used it. You’ll be able to see significant changes, but there will still be challenges along the way. What this doesn’t give you is a unique journey.
Choice Three: You can work with me and receive personalized support throughout your healing process.
You’ll start feeling better within a month.
This option is ideal if…
You want personalized guidance from a professional that’s dedicated to supporting your unique journey.
You’d prefer not to have to build out an entire system for yourself.
You want to see results quickly without burning yourself out in the process.
What do you get when you commit to this program?
One-on-one coaching sessions with me
Access to communicate with me via Voxer (to be answered within 1 business day)
Healing sessions to help you integrate and process which can include: cosmic healing, reiki, somatic movement, breathwork, and meditation
A special one-time session to get clarity on who you are at your core (within first month)
One emergency session per month for you to use at any time
By the end of the first month together, you just might be a completely different person who enjoys life that much more.
I’ll also reiterate something… you’ll have be literally in your back pocket with access to me whenever you need it.
If you’re committing to yourself, then I’m committing to you as well.
I don’t want you to suffer the way I did. If you’re dedicated to doing the work, you will be able to live a life that is blissful instead of depressing. You’ll be able to remove yourself from the cycles and never go back.
So if you’re struggling to be yourself and want to find purpose and clarity…
And if you’re ready to break free from burnout and anxiety so that you can live a life filled with bliss (aka the life you deserve), schedule a call with me.
Schedule Your call Here
More Client Success Stories:
Alex: My session with Courtney was so beautiful and healing that I must have floated out of the studio afterwards. I have never experienced such an intuitive, powerfully deep and gentle healing practitioner and I’m so grateful to have found her! Thank you so much Courtney 💕
Laura: I just had my first 1-1 mediation today with Courtney Lillie and I was absolutely blown away with how much I learned and how amazing I felt after. Courtney spent a lot of time getting to know my goals beforehand and planning for our session…and you could tell. The session was perfectly tailored for my situation (postpartum with ab separation) to help me connect and tune into my body and mind.
I learned so much today, including a new way to think about diaphragmatic breathing, and look forward to incorporating those things into my every day life going forward. I highly recommend working with Courtney!
I’m so grateful to have connected with Courtney, who is warm, inviting, caring, and a wealth of knowledge. 💚🙏
What better time to start on your journey of healing than now?
I’d love to learn more about your unique situation and to talk about how I can help you. Together, we can develop a tailored approach to healing from burnout and anxiety and take it one day at a time.
I’m looking forward to meeting you (if we haven’t already)!
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If you’re looking for a place to practice sacred rituals, connect to cosmic energy, and be in a space with others who share common interests this is for YOU!
The Mystical Moon Tribe was created to be a safe place for those who want to explore the depths of true astrology, cosmic healing, and self-discovery. We come together twice per month for the new moon and full moon to heal, connect, and learn. The tribe also hosts seasonal celebrations once per quarter on the solstices and equinoxes.
The Mystical Moon Tribe believes that there is sacred knowledge held within the universe and celestial bodies. When we open ourselves up to the insight of the cosmos, we can deepen our connection to our mind, body, and soul. This tribe is a community dedicated to supporting others on their journey to self-discovery and true cosmic learning.
The Mystical Moon Tribe Ceremonies and Celebrations are always on our Events & Workshops page!
